Epica
by maripas
Summary: AU: A bet between God and the Devil for Nai's side. Based on the album Epica from Kamelot, which is based on the Goeth's Faust. NaixGareki.
1. Prologue

**Hi to everyone this is my first fanfic ever. Hope you like it. Reviews are more than welcome. The italics are for the Devil the underlined for God the bold through the story for the crew and finally the normal ones for Nai. Enjoy! Thank you for reading. ^_^**

**Prologue**

"All that you see or seem, is but a dream within a dream"

-Edgar Allan Poe

_Will you leave that whom you love the most in despair?_

A clock... time... a voice... I could here the moans from the passengers next to me... Moans of pain, people burned during the fire. The harsh wind from the sea storm hitting against the ship knocking the doors. The desperate shouts of the ship crew trying to stabilize the ship. I can't remember how I got here, maybe I should have just died along with my family. With the people I love.

_Lets make a bet. _

**The ship is turning! Lift those sails!**

I could feel the water coming into the ship, it was moving violently from once side to the other the lighting was blinding. The agony of terror gripping the depths of my being, maybe this would be the price I have to pay for all the pain and explotation my family caused to the citizens. Maybe it is God's will that for me in order to pay fully for all of what I've done, I must see all of what I've loved and be proud of root before my very own eyes.

_If I'am able to claim the soul, of that which you call your favorite one. I'll be allowed back to heaven._

The ship seemed to be gaining some stability, water ceased to come in, I felt slowly at ease, maybe just maybe everything would be alright... Terror slowly left it's grip from me.

_But if not you'll be condemed to Hell forever._

Maybe I could try to rest now...

_Deal._

Suddenly I woke up, everything was moving to the side, everyone was shouting, the ship turned, I hit my head violently to one side. Water was coming in from all sides, I tried to stand up, reach the door, felt dizzy, couldn't see well, it seemed so far away. Water started filling up more the cabin. I didn't knew how to swim. I started to become desperate, I would drown in this small place with all these people whom I don't even know in the sea my body never to be found. I can't even think properly.

I tried to speak but all I could hear were the screams and shouts from other desperate people. I felt the water over my head. I was drowning. Suddenly suffocating, I tried to move reach for something nothing, pain, suddenly nothing more, suddenly I felt numb, lighter. Nothing.


	2. Center of the Universe

**Hi guys thank you very much for reading sorry for taking time to post, I am not like and experienced writer and well it's not romantic yet and maybe I got too theoretical in it and I think maybe Nai is terribly out of character but still I hope you are able to enjoy it ^_^.**

Center of the Universe

I was born into the noble family of the kingdom of Arak, or so I thought. I always noticed I was different from my brothers. We were 5 Yogi, Tsukumo, Jiki, Kiichi and me. The oldest being Yogi with 21, he and Tsukumo were similar... well at least in appearance, Yogi was always sweet, cute, cool and relaxed while on the other side Tsukumo has always been a bit up tight, both blond with beautiful blue eyes just like mom's. Then there was Jiki, who's similar to Dad with his raven hair and yellow eyes he was similar to Kiichi just that she had blue eyes like mom. Finally me Nai, and I actually don't look like anyone in my family, even for normal people my white hair with purple on its ends and ruby color eyes, I am wierd.

We lived normal lives like all the other kids, we went to school, played, went on shopping, camping and so on, the only difference was that back home, or well in the castle we were taught about what people call "magic". In the castle, close to the palace there was a street called the Golden street were the "alchemist" of the king live, we had the privelege of taught by them in the areas of magic we want to develop ourselves further. We even had a special library full of esoteric and occult books, and sometimes if we were looking for something very specific we would borrow them from the alchemists.

When we were young we all started the same, we were taught about the soul, consciense the being, the elementals, about the egos about the energy within us. We learned about the magic on different civilizations, perfumes, yoga, meditation, medicine and so on. We followed what had more affinity with us and so that's how we grew up, and everything seemed good. But that's how evil works so similar to what's good and then you ask what is the difference?

So the day of our initiation came and we were supposed to wear hoods, a custom of a color according to the level of our being, sandals and a belt for chastity. Each one of us will take one of the ends of the star according to the element within themselves which they have been able to control the best. It was all planned it could be seen in their personalities, at this point sometimes I think I should have studied more what we were supposed to do.

At the bottom of the star were Tsukumo and Kiichi, earth and water, negative elements, that went down. Then Yogi and Jiki, with fire and air, positive elements that went up, and finally me I was at the top with ether. 7 candles were turned on and our eyes were binded in order not to see anything, but we already knew what will happen. It has already been written in several books. The alchemist or the priest who will office in this service will start with the exorcism of the elements within our bodies.

He will call the sylphs within ourselves representing the mind and we will feel a soft breeze passing by us, then he will put our hands on cold water with the undines representing our emotions, a candle close to us so we could feel the warmth of the salamanders representing our passions, then earth represented by the gnomes that which is physical from this world. We will be turned in circles several times, and then the blind fold will be taken from our eyes and we will see a mirror.

This actually reminded me a passage from the Bible: '_Now we see through a glass, dimly; but then will see face to face: For now I know in part; but then shall I know as I was known.' _Corinthians 1 13:12'

We would be asked who we were 3 times and then we will be given a special paper with some questions and this will be thrown to the fire. Then I felt it the energy coming to through me, I felt a bit dizzy, really refreshed to refreshed, when I breath it was cold, maybe my body isn't prepared for this yet, but it's already too late I already choose.

_Nai_

I heard a voice. Then beautiful music.

_Nai stay with me, don't move_

Something hugged me it was incredibly warm and even though I felt very apprehended and was fearful because it felt like it was angry, I knew I was safe from whatever else was moving in that darkness. I also heard the shout... from Yogi... some whine from Tsukumo, then the room came back to how it was. I could not feel the warm prescense that was around me a while ago but I felt something within my heart in me was different, warm at easy, but I was still a bit weary I saw Tsukumo unconscious, they seemed to have put to sleep Yogi with some enchanted parchment on his cheek, they also had binded Jiki's eyes with some special fabric, he was pale and sweating, Kiichi was taken away so I wasn't able to see her.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

**Nai are you okay?**

It was Eva, the priestess who was officiating during the ritual.

I'am scared, but alright. I told her

**You don't feel anything? **

No nothing at all.

After that I kept on doing my practices and didn't felt anything special besides the fact that all my chackras were a bit more open, so once in a while I could listen to the sound of the universe, speak to the elementals, listen one or other thought from someone close to me, but it still wasn't enough, It was a really sedentary life I could feel my being beating within me, I had some consciense or what the called it. The hypothesis goes as this, supposedly some of us have an essence, which is a part of the soul which is part of a being which is connected to God and so on and if we want to get into hierarchies we wouldn't finish.

The thing is that supposedly these people have a minimum of 3% of consciense and this people can be absolutely anyone, from a homeless to the king. Through the practices people is supposed to little by little liberate some conscience from the Ego. Different cultures have depicted this through their artistic legacies and scripts, for example in the Bible there is a passage that talks about the legions, then there are the 7 capital sins, the medusa in the greeks with her snakes and we could go on.

When killing the Ego, we are supposed to be facing the psychological death, but then, I feel more disconected to this world almost floating ethereal a constant peace, the ideal state, this desire to search this urge why is it still there shouldn't I be satisfied with what I feel right now? With this state? I can see Tsukumo is happy with just loving no questioning, Yogi always has to carry his parchment because at any momment he can lose control of his energy and who know, Jiki can see everything and with some special glasses he can just stop it and Kiichi she's just trying to find peace within the turmoil of emotions she's feeling.

Is this not what I want? I have been always in this small country with everything easily given to me even this state. The ideal state. I can listen to my being. This place has always been the center of my universe and so maybe the answer of my interminent insatisfaction lies somewhere else. Maybe I just have to try going somewhere else.

**Well thank you very much for readings and for the reviews, specially to Azii that with the magic on the stories I was inspired to write a bit more about it on this one =) If anyone has any special request I would be more than glad to think about something for it. thank you again =)**


	3. Farewell

**Hi guys I am super glad I was able to post this chapter and you're reading this. This time I tried to get less theoretical and well I also wrote my first kind of lemon ever if it can even be called like that. Hope it is not lame and you like it. Hugs to all of you. and thank you very much for reading me =), specially thanks to Azii who pushed me to finally try to introduce Gareki in this chapter. ^_^ I think also that Nai and Gareki are totally out of character hopefully you won't mind and well constructive criticism is more than welcome. **

Farewell

There was only one thing that kept me here. "Nai! Move! we have to do the rounds around the land" the Tenant called me. "Yes I'll be there in a moment" I told him as I took a look from the peak of one of the hills from the state towards the city. "Nai!" He shouted again. He was at the bottom of the hill on his horse which a had a beautiful black mane. "Coming Gareki!" it was him which tied me to this land.

Thence you'll ask, how is it that we are so familiar? Well like most of the classical stories, yes we grew up together, just that I ended up being a quirk. I always new we were too different, not just in owr personality, but also in our tastes and how we behaved, even on how we looked and dressed and not because I had more money to paid for more elegant clothes than him. It was just that whenever I scaped the castle to play with him and the other kids from the village, I will always be the princess or prefer to paint instead of wrestling. Things like that.

Then with time I grew older, and he was always protecting me. Even though I didn't give any signs of being different I never found myself attracted to any girl, nor looking at their ankles or having any type of thoughts in that sense towards then. Contrary-wise I found myself having those towards him, at first I would notice and then just shrug it off as if maybe I just care a lot about him. With time, I noticed it was not just that, it was something that when he touched me I felt an urge, and electricity passed through me.

It was a desire, an anxiousness to be taken. Suddenly I will have wild moments crawling its way into my mind were I will imagine him taking me against one of the trees or close to the bushes. Sometimes when we camped and it was dark, I slept next to him and my body will become very hot, my will heart start to beat really fast, and In those moments as much as I wanted him to turn around, hug me, touch me and kiss me. I was also terrified that he would find out my feelings for him.

So instead. I kept it all to myself. Sometimes I saw him flirt with some girls, we had some drinks together, while of course I always covering myself so I could pass as one of the villagers. In some occasions I saw him leave with one or two girls, but he was most of the time alone. He never told me much about his affairs, and he became an extremely good tenant. I was terribly in love with him.

In answer to my frustration, I burried myself in books trying to find an answer to my situation, I asked the magicians about this, and they gave me the answers from legacies of disciples of the God whom I've always venerated, answers like, in "Dante Alighieri's Devine Comedy, at the 7th Circle of Violence were the Blasphemers those who are violent against nature" The magicians who lived at the palace said that this desire was against nature and therefore he who fell on it will be doomed.

Others just turned their heads down and ignored me, thinking that I will pay for my lust. That I will fail in transforming the lead into gold. I was told that if I could not find a women it was impossible for me to follow the path of true chastity. That it was desire and lust that clouded my senses. I tried telling my sister Tsukumo and she didn't thought my behaviour was wrong or that it couldn't be fixed.

We went to Eva the wisest magician at court. "You must not tell anyone" She said. "The people believe that homosexuals and lesbians are lost cases, they are big failures when it concerns the greater good and the masterpiece of God. People have been taught that they are rotten seeds and that this rotten seeds will never germinate." Hiding. That was the only answer I was given. But then as I went down that hill today and it rained as he told me. "Nai! Lets race through the forest and see who gets to the end first".

We have been always doing this, so I went after him down the hill, my blood boiling and my body filled with excitement at the sound of his voice. We interned into the forest I could hear the hooves of our horses splashing agains the grass and leaves. There was a path, suddenly I stopped listening to his horse's hooves. He couldn't gone far away. "Gareki!" I called into the forest as I turned around "Nai" I heard him answer back. A water creek, I notice as I looked at my horse's head moving downwards in order to drink from it.

In the direction it's headed, it's the shore of the lake. I pull a bit the horse's reins so we can move to where I heard the voice come from. "Gareki are you here?" I say just as I come close to the lake and see him stark naked floating against his back on the water. This is normal, afterall it is summer. "Jezzz, can't you see". He said barely looking at me. I can feel myself warm from the neck to my ears. I am sure I am blushing. "I think I'll go back" I turn around with this words.

"Hey I think you must enjoy yourself a bit more even if you're a lot into work, it's good to relax once in a while" He's my best friend, and it won't hurt to do him company so maybe I can just sit there on the shore. " Well I don't feel like getting into the water so maybe I can stay just in the shore and rest" He didn't answered to me, so I guess he agreed. I get down from my horse, and tie him up to a tree, then I move towards the shore of the lake, and make myself cormftable there.

I stare at the sky and enjoy the sounds of the birds, trying to keep myself at ease. "Can you pass me a clothe to dry myself as I come out" he asked, so I take it out form the bag I was using as a pillow and crawl closer to the shore with it. "Got ya'" **splash** the next thing I knew I was in the water. "What are you thinking!" I came out shouting as my shoulders emerged from the water. "I don't even have a pair of extra clothes" I supported myself with part of my arm to the shore, "Even the clothe-"

Warmth, and it was not the water. His hand moved around me as he kissed me, I opened my mouth to say something and he slipped his tongue in. He pressed me more to his body, I could feel my erection rubbing against his through the clothe. His lips moved towards my neck, and he wrapped my legs around him, my back was pressed against the muddy side of the lake, he felt almost desperate as he kissed me and unbuckled my belt in the water to take my length in his hand.

"Nh" I wasn't expecting pleasure escaping from my lips, "Gareki" I said breathlessly to him, as I feel jolts of electricity through my spine. "Do you like it little Nai?" He asked me. Thought he already knew the answer. "Tell me does it feel good?" I nooded. He pressed. "Ah" I moan "Please~ Gareki~ let me cum~" I breath helplessly to him, and I looked into his eyes, there was pleasure, desire, hunger, the same I have felt for a long time. I felt one finger stick into me. "Nh! It.. hurts.." My breathing started to become hoarse. Then he put another one. "Ah" This was too much. I felt numb with pleasure. He licked his lips as he tasted the desire on my face and started moving his fingers slowly, sounds escaped from me. I slipped my pants into the water in order to give him more access.

We heard some voices. His lips covered mine so he court muffle my sounds, he took his fingers out and I felt the tip of his lenght at the entrance. "Mnmh~" I shouted in his mouth and opened my eyes as he thrusted all of him into me. The water around us moved at his pace. I came too fast. I could hear the hooves of the horses from people who were passing by farther. Gareki muffled his sounds into my mouth too and held to me until he came inside. He was breathless too and held onto me with his eyes closed.

Then his gaze meet mine, and he kissed my lips with a sweetness, I've never felt before. If this was not love then what was it? If this is what I've to give up in order to gain the love from God then is it really worth it? Wouldn't that being want you to be happy? With the person who can keep you safe, take care of you and love you the most. Then I heard him, my being. _Leave Gareki, or he'll break. _

I opened my eyes, I felt drowsy, it was dark and at the distance I could see an horizontal shinning line. I tried to stand up, as I regained my senses I saw it the city was burning and I was in a ship. "Move lad!" They threw me into a room with other people, and I cried and sobbed as I leaned to the walls of the ship's compartment. So it may be.

"_Maybe God cannot remedy our souls if he tried".- Farewell, Kamelot, Epica._

**Well I hope you liked it =) hugs to every one **


	4. Opiate Soul

**Hi guys thank you for the reviews and also thanks to those who take a look it means a lot to me. I hope you've liked the story so far and well this chapter is not so romantic so I hope it doesn't bore you. Take care and thank you again for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it. 3 ^_^ The underlined as in the beginning of the story is for the "being" or "God" or whatever you want to call it. And the one that's just in italics is for the "devil". **

Opiate Soul

I opened tried opening my eyes slowly, heard some church bells far away. Granite roof? It was warm, I licked my lips. And salty, the last thing I remember is being drowned. I thought I was already dead. I try to sit, my muscles ache, I try stretching, the breeze, the sound of the sea. I stood up and walked outside.

It was sunny, I could see the sea, from the top of the hill. "_You woke up_" said a men who sat in a chair in front of a big thick trunk palm tree. I walked towards him, I was in light blue clothes just like him. "_How did you slept_?" he asked turning to me as I sat down. "Fine, thank you very much for you hospitality." I couldn't help but to say that at least, maybe if not for him I would be dead. "_Oh not at all, in fact you should thank my friend, who happens not be here right now but I'm sure you'll meet him along your way_"

"_You may be wondering where are you right now_" he said "_This is Mu island, here we give cult to the the Father, the palm tree behind you simbolizes him, but we just meet around the area in order to do chains to venerate nature_". His hand touched mine on the bench, and I got lost in his sky blue eyes. "_There' are always oportunities to come back to the Father_" That voice sounds familiar maybe, his eyes seemed alert suddently. "_Don't think about that right now it's time for the force chain, there's much to do_". A beautiful voice.

He stood up still grabbing my hand, and I followed him, people alaigned were going inside a door craved at the entrance of the granite wall. "_Wait for me here_" he said as he went into a wood house. The people were all dressed like me a light blue tunic, now that I remember is the same I used at the rituals in my home land... "_Here, I will put this on you_" the blue eyed men said as the kneeled in order to put me some sandals. "I can do it myself please" I felt warm on my cheeks. "_Not at all don't worry_."

I noticed he had a thurible with incense, he stood up, "_Lets go inside_" and we walked, at the entrance he said some names to the guardians and I did the same. There I stood with the other people he walked up to the end slowly with the incense, and put it to the side. I heard the door close. "_Then brothers lets prepare for the chain_" the aquamarine eyed guy said. Everyone moved slowly to the middle, we made a circle. I have seen this before. We were intercalated women then men and so on, our hand floated over the others. "_Join hands_".

Everyone grabbed the other's hand at the same time. "_Repeat after me_" this was a command. "_May all the beings be happy_". Then everyone repeated, and as he continued reciting other words. I remembered. Gareki... My family ... Suddenly I continued repeating but with more difficulties. I couldn't stop, I was starting to feel dizzy. So I concentrated. "_You can release your hands_". I was tired. A women turned off the candles, the door was open and everyone decided to take their leave.

It was dark, there was full moon, I remembered it all, I had to search for something. "_How are you do feel alright_" I had abandoned, him that voice. "Why?" I told him "Why is all my family dead? Why was the city on fire? Why I can't love Gareki? Why am I still alive? Is this your idea of love, to take everything I hold dear to me and keep me alive in order to pay for my mistakes, Am I to pay still for what I did in other lives even if I don't remember any of ti!" I was angry, and I hadn't noticed I was crying, until I felt his finger tips on my face. He took my tear and licked it.

"_I love you, and if you work for the greater good, you'll feel me closer to you._" That calm and composed voice, I know it's my being's voice, tainted with lame excuses. "I already left you, and that path, what I've learned just taught me that to pay for karma in this way, seeking enlightment, is definitely not what I'm looking for! I already know your answers to my questions, but there must be another way!" I felt helpless, disappointed "Please tell me of this other way" I begged, and kneeled on the floor, clinging to his tunic. His eyes looked at me filled with compassion and sadness. "_There's another way_" he said as he caressed my hair. "_But it's not here_".

There was hope. "Teach me this other way" A smiled shined on my face. "_I'am afraid I cannot teach you this other way._" he said and continued _"Please stay with me_." His pain is my pain, I could feel it. "I am sorry, but I cannot follow you. Tell me where is this other way." I stood up and challenged his gaze. "You must go to the world and find it". It meant I have to leave. "Then I'll go" I said turning, He grabbed my cloth. "_At least let me take you to the ends of the monastery_." I nodded.

We walked together in silence as we went down the mountain. "_I won't go further than here, and you cannot leave like that, let me take the tunic off for you_" He started unbuttoning it from top to bottom. I had a shirt and pants below it. He stood up and folded the cloth, put them aside, took a deep look at me and hugged me. It was warm, and I knew I loved him, and I always will, but I couldn't stay. He had failed me. "Nai. My name is Karoku, for if you ever want to come back" he whispered. And I hugged him more, tears forming in my eyes.

I took one last long look. And left.

I traveled through the world, and everything was different and the same. I still could feel him on me, through extortion and his inconditional love I could use his power on me, in order to no matter what the circumstances were I was able to make it out triumphantly. I meet beings and people of all types, different cultures, scholars, people who were called masters, black magicians, yogis, mediums, you name it. And none of them were able to bring me a fullfilling and satisfactory answer.

It was cold, I was desperate and at his point I was willing to accept anything.

_Seems it is your turn_

A dark haired and unix eyed being smiled at the blond's words.

_Dolcissimae Oh, Fortuna Venit Meos_

**Thank you very much to all of you for reading. It means a lot to me and well I hope if you want you can leave some reviews and criticism =) ;) also the text at the end in latin for those who are curious it means -Thou sweetest Fortune, come to me as I have come unto God.- Take care! =) **


	5. The Edge of Paradise

**Hi guys i know this is supposed to be a GarekixNai fic, but it seems thinks just got out of my hands and I ended up making other pairings and weird ones for that NaixTsukitachi like really?! Not even I can believe it but well, I hope no one feels betrayed or bad or anything like that, if there are any request well I am up to them to tell me whenever you want to. Thank you again for reading me ^_^ take care btw Now Nai and Tsukitachi are ultra Out of Character so hope you don´t mind.**

The Edge of Paradise

_So this is the precious one_

Past, I felt as if I was a thousand years old. I couldn't remember when was it that I had a family or drowned. Did I even drowned? A rush passed through me as I inhaled it. Snow. Ease on my soul, or what I tried to fool myself with, as ease. "Ah~" "Mn~" I moaned. Who was it again giving me a blow job? I don´t even remember or make the effort to make a look. "Mn~" Now that was not me. I make an effort to look next to me. Oh yes I remember I am here with Tsukitachi.

The Ambassador of Emirate 1, one of those arabic countries. "Ah~" whatever is sucking me down there, it feels like heaven. Well I meet him through my travels, I started working as a button boy in a hotel, he took interest on me as I opened the door, gave me some money and told me to go with him and the lady who was accompanying him. He told me to "just look". The money was good and it was not the first time I saw people having sex, in my travels I saw it several time, orgies and those things. It was just part of the human depravities I got used to on my daily life. I even was part of some.

I stayed there bored of them, but it was fine, the problem started when he seemed to get tired of the lady. "Why doesn't it go up?! Am I not pretty enough!?" the lady whined, apparently she hadn't been able to get his dick up. "You bitch!" he said grunted cupping her chin in his hand "It's your fault!" "You can't entertain me anymore" "get lost!" and he threw her aside. "Sir" she whimpered. "Take her!" he shouted and instantly she went to the door and was pulled by the body guards. "Well then I'am leaving" I said nonchalantly standing up and turning to the door.

I heard his hand clash hard against the door to my right "And where do you think you are going?" he whispered, his figure hovering over me. His left hand wrapped around my waist. "Maybe you can give the satisfaccion I need" he whispered to my ear. And yes he was right, I could. I was tempted, but not willing. His right hand came to my cheek and with his thumb up he caressed it slowly making his way down my neck, my clavicle, licking my earlobe and up my ear shell.

"Mh~" he moaned. "Ah~" I trembled. No, the drugs, maybe, I shouldn't have smoked opium before coming here. It was so delicious, I could barely contain my moans, actually I wasn't even containing them, I just let him slide his hand inside my pants and touch my length while I tried to support myself with my hands against the door. "Uhm~ Ah~ I don´t think I will be able to ah~!" He had thrust all of him into me at once. "Mhn~" "Ah~" I had tears in my eyes "It hurts" he grabbed my chin and lightly turned my face to him, as he plunged hard into me "From now on-" "you´re my-" bitch-" He licked his lips "kitty".

He kept thrusting into me and slided the nails from his right hand down my thight while he tucked a nipple, tugged it upward and sucked my neck. He was getting bigger in me, I was getting big, "Come with me" his hoarse voice said, he grabbed my length. He thrusted faster and at the last moment clanged hard on me and freed me, he came. I was breathless, he slided a finger into my mouth it tasted of pre-cum. I sucked it, and turned to leave. He violently grabbed my arm and threw me to the bed. "What are you doing?!" I was drained.

"It seems..." He smirked "I could become addicted to you." a smile, and my spine, cringed with fear. Since then he hasn´t got tired. Maybe it is because having sex with me is just that, addictive, maybe it´s the magic. "What have you done to me?" He came around my table when where at the embassy. I had become his personal counselor, He put a finger below my shin moved it upwards to meet his gaze, and look deep into my eyes "Is it me, or do they really shine? They... just suck me in" and he will kiss my lips hotly, with hunger.

In the end, I was the one getting tired of him, I meet people from different countries, and taught them about my knowledge, the only payment I wanted from Tsukitachi were drugs, but he did actually paid me a lot of money for just having sex with me. And now, we are here again, drugged in I don´t know where, I could live like this. A rush on my veins, of relief, and I see him the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, he looks angelic, beautiful onix eyes, dark hair and ivory skin. I extend my arm and try to reach him with my hand "So beautiful" I say, if I could just touch him. And keeps moving farther. It lingers.

"Na-," Someone´s calling but it seems so far away. A beautiful face, no later, I will stay here a while more. "Na-" the voice is insisting. I don´t want to leave here. "Nai" Another face starts forming, no, come back, the beautiful men´s face starts to diffuse and it´s replaced by Tsukitachi´s face instead, my hands, are around his neck. Pressing hard. His face "Tsukitachi" I say slowly, I feel numb. He´s not answering. His tongue is outside, he´s looking blue and his eyes look bloody-shoot. I close his eye lids. I notice I left marks on his neck. I am too doped to think straight. Everyone has already left. I should just leave like them, maybe.

Then I remember why I was here, I remember, I haven´t found, what I was looking for, yet.

Maybe the answer is not with people, drugs or death.

And here I am to wander again,

"_On the edge of paradise_

_Powerless_

_I sail on by_

_Undermining life itself_

_My will to wonder why"_

_- Kamelot, Epica, The Edge of Paradise._

**For all the Tsukitachi fans out there I am sorry I didn´t really meant to kill him it just happened like at the end of the story the chapter was going so nice that I had to kill him. I hope you had liked it and well next chapter I will be featuring Gareki and Hirato too. Hope all of you take care. thank you very much for reading and well I am always super happy to receive any type of review you can just say hi it was nice and I will be super happy ! take care =)**


	6. Wander

**Hi guys thanks again for reading me, I am really glad for those who have followed the story =). Besides that well this chapter is kind of depressing but is necessary I need Nai to become hopeless. It is kind of short so I hope you don't mind it . Thank you again for reading ^_^**

Wander

Now, it's winter... Were everything's dead or dies... I guess I am dying part right now. I've lost my sense direction, and the search, in the end I wasn't able to find the truth I was searching for. Romanticism, is not reality but it truly feed my ego and gave me that sweet and soft taste of what I think is love... I can't seem to find it anymore anywhere... It was just with him... and I remembered... him.

The freezing ice melts under my boots, and with each step... I remember, that time were I wasn't tainted. Where I could feel the warmth of his hand.

"Gareki" his name leaves my lips. Softly. As if by calling him the cold wind will answer me back, as if from behind of the trees he will leap and to me, like in the old days. A smile. Winter felt like a game, instead of the agony who want to be dead. Maybe, without knowing, we were playing with death, knowing that we always had a warm home to return to. The sun was shinning through the clouds and the death trees sleeping made us company, we made a snow men, a men of ice. At that moment it was just a game.

But when you take a deep look into it, it is kind of ironic. An undead. Like me now. I am just alive because my body was carrying me, because I have him, Karoku, which now feels like a dream, something soft inside me, calling for life. It was that small thing within me beating, keeping me alive, that unreasonable thing which kept me up. Fighting. Winning, but this time, I've decided otherwise, maybe, this time, I will let the depths win. I was always close to the worst of me. I can almost see him, feel him, his touch, his warmth when we slept together. I always knew the depths were there, but never took a step there.

Now it seems I've been slowly walking towards it.

For all I know Gareki might be dead right now, or perhaps he escaped the fire. I've wandered too much, and haven't heard of him. Well even if I did, it wouldn't be worth it, to let him see me as I am now. There is nothing I can give him. What would he think of what I've become? probably, I would feel his strong arms around me, and the warmth I lack come back. As if I could breath again. This is best part of agony. Denial. I know I am already done for, barely grabbing to the last thread of hope left.

Unexistent hope, he's not there anymore, and me who was before, is not. I throw my back on the snow. It's cold, yet it burns, like fire, even through the jacket, like the light, and the colors, it's all a lie. I look at the sky. -What color is the sky?- He asked me once upon a time. "Blue" I answered, aloud, remembering my answer at that time. No... he said, "How can that be?" a tell the air, repeating the conversation we had before. -That's not the point- I remember him looking at me as he said that, his beautiful daring eyes, and his last words after that.

"In short, we have created realities that are false, and lies so true that we end up deceiving with something rightful".*

"How can that be? If I feel you so real, my heart beats so fast, and my body feels so warm"

I wanted to answer him. Maybe at that moment, I was right.

But...I guess... Now he's right... It's cold, every heart beat has become bitterly painful... and reality... seems something very far away.

Guess it's not worth "here" I whisper... anymore...

**Well thank you very much for reading this chapter guys =) I know it was kind of depressing if anyone has any request for the story I will be more than glad to receive it ^_^ I am also open for reviews pleaseeee =D hehehe and well the phrase up that with the * is form Mihai Angeal he has a blog thought it is in Spanish, but if anyone out there can read in Spanish and it's interested here is the link instintuitivo . wordpress . com  
**Thank you again to all of you for reading =)


	7. Omen

**Hi guys thank you for reading again, this chapter is shorter due to it's is only a link to the change from Nai's past life to his "new life" thank you for reading my stories and for all the reviews =) ^_^ I am really happy about that and appreciate it a lot 3 I hope this chapter is to your liking, maybe it's not very romantic and well soon we will have some kind of strange relationships such as NaixHirato and stuff. If anyone has a request I will be more than glad to read it =). Well then Enjoy! **

Omen

So I guess this is it... I will just let myself die here in the snow, I will let the cold burn my skin and then all within me... The thing is, that... after a while the burning sensation.. is not anymore. I had, on the beginning, a prickling on my skin, then a fire that made me shout, and finally came, the moment, where my body, just gave up. I can't feel my body, it has become numb from the cold... I feel sleepy... A bright light.. thenthe thunder's sound from far away... "_But's too early_" said the thunder... Funny... What made me worthy of listening to them again. To what possibly could I owe the honor of speaking to this earth's beings again.

Perhaps, it's their idea, to keep me agonizing, not dying in peace, reminding me of all that could have been and was not. Let me die... I want to die... "_Ah, but, that's not what I have in mind_" says the wind. It's too late, I say from within. There's no way I will stay here. "Nai" Gareki's voice... I must be hallucinating... maybe, this is part of dying in the cold. "Nai" I hear again... It can't possibly be... "_But it is_" It's him again. I start to feel some anxious, at the possibility of Gareki being there, but It's already too late, now I am beyond my capacity to decide... I can't move my limbs, and If I am not wrong probably I lost the circulation on my feet, and it is rotten.

This is evil. "_No it's not_" Gareki? "_Nai I can help you_" a hiss "_I can give you back everything you have lost and what you desire the most_" another voice. Who is it? I can't speak anymore. "Nai please I want to stay with you" Gareki's voice. "_Call me Nai_" the wind again, a voice caressing my skin. "_Say my name_" What's your name? "_Please.._" please "_It's-_" my eyes are closed, and I could listen to the voice coming from in front of me. "_Hirato_".

"Nai" I heard Gareki's voice again.

"Hirato"

I said with the last strenght within my body, I felt warmth on my lips, and life coming back to me. The temperature increased, I could feel my body, The storm had stopped, I opened my eyes and there was no one. But I could feel it as if it was all around me and flowing through my veins. As if this persona was me.

And then it became night.

**Well guys this is it, now comes the real deal. lol =) i just wanted to say that cheesy phrase. I am glad for all those who have read me up until now. =) ^_^ Take care and please leave your reviews! =) 3**


	8. Descent of the Archangel

**Hi guys I am posting again a new chapter, I will be featuring a little bit of Nai and Hirato =) hope you like it. and thank you for reading ^_^**

Descent of the Archangel

The wind changed, and everything became warmer. I heard a voice. "_Nai_", and it was not Gareki's, it sounded distorted. Then the skies opened, and I heard it from above, the sound of the spheres, the voice of the angels, then a most beautiful voice saying my name. "_Nai_". A blinding light, and a black haired angel came towards me, descending. White wings, and a white robe. Maybe I was already dead, and Gareki's voice, and everything else, I had just hallucinated it. Perhaps this is heaven or this angel's just here to pick me.

If dead looks like this, then I should have welcomed it sooner. A smirk painted its way on the ethereal being's face as I though this. He descended slowly, until he almost reached the floor, but instead, he seemed to be floating, he got closer, and I saw my reflection in his onix eyes. A kiss, and I remembered. I felt the same warmth in and around me, I have felt it before. The warmth that felt as me. All the memories came back flooding.

It was painfully, intense, it was living all my life again, in just a moment. I felt tormented by living all of it at once again. I remembered, and felt all the emotions I had when I lived with my family, all the time I spent with Gareki, all the faces and the interactions I had with them the people that were killed, the person I had killed. I wanted to get away from it, tried pushing him, but as I attempted to do that, he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me tighter, almost as in a hug. To an outsider it would seem as if he was embracing me, almost as a lover who was saying good bye, when in reality he was suffocating me, like a constrictor snake on it's prey.

Then when I felt I couldn't breath it anymore, he released me and licked his lips. As if he had just had some dinner. "_I think that was good enough,_" he said "_you could taste better_" and smirked . I couldn't breath, I almost drown there, if one could be even drowned by emotions. "Who are you?!" I snapped at him. "_Who am I?_" his faced full of mocking disbelief. "_You called me here. Don't you remember?_" he licked his lips again as his eyes were full of mischief. "_shall I remind you again?_" hunger played his way into mischief, and terror into me. I trembled at the thought of the sensations. "No it's fine-" I really don't remember, I am too overwhelmed. He sighed. "_Hirato_" he said giving up.

"Yes... Hirato" I said trying to stand up. "Hirato" I tried saying his name again. "_Yes that's my name, but it's not for you to spend all of it"_ he said annoyed. "_Now, since you called me, there must be something you want_" He said comming closer to me, too close. I took a step back. His gaze seemed to suck me in it was terrifyingly absorbing. He smirked again, it was as if he was always mocking me, playing. Playing with my terror, my being, but I remember what I wanted. "I want to die" I said it seriously, challenging his gaze.

"_To die?_" he said rising up an eyebrow. "_But that's not fulfilling, or fun at all?_" pity and disappointed carved themselves into his features. He turned around and walked. "_Pity... I thought you missed some. Hm- I forgot his name again, maybe it was some_" He glanced at me, "_Gareki guy I think_". "What do you know about him?!" I couldn't help myself. "_Ah, now I seemed to have someone's interest_" he came to me "Tell me" I said as I grabbed his robe. "_I know he's most dear to you, that you would give up death for him, you love him, and that I could take you to him._" anger sipped through me. I pushed him. "You... you know I don't want to see him like this".

He smiled. "_But I, can also make you a new men_" he took my chin, and moved it slightly upwards, "_One up to all of Gareki's expectations_" he made his way to my ear "_to everyone's expectations,_" a whisper. "_A men he would be proud of_" he licked behind my ear making his way down to my neck, I trembled with desire. "_and you could live happily ever after with him_" His words sounded so good, he felt too good to. I want- "_Of course there's a price._" he moved back. "_For serving you this life in all your wishes, whims, pleasure, desires, for making your dreams for true, I will only ask as a mere payment... your soul at your moment of desemboidment._"

"You mean death" I answer him, I don't know if I am frustrated or angry at him. "_Well you could use that vulgar word too, but that's not the point_". And in an instant he transforms, and see Gareki again, right as if we had never parted "Don't you want to see me again Nai?" He says with Gareki's voice. "You-" Anger rushes on me, then he came back to his normal form again. "_Ah, but how unfair of me, of course I should give you a taste of it before, shouldn't I? A trial you call it?_" He takes my hand, and I feel instant pleasure. He smiles. "_From now on all you have felt before, you'll feel it more... Vividly_" he continues "_Come.. let me show you around the castle... You won't deny me... would you?_" Mischief hidden in his word, in those desirable lips, in all of him.

We were about to leave and then he seems to remember something.

"_Ah, but of course, how can we go like this_" A cane appears in his hand, then he moves it and our clothes change, he was in a black suit and I also had a similar suit. "_No way I will wear white to my castle, what a disagreeable color, and definitely not the wings either, I seem to be forgetting something, ah, yes, I know._" a top hat appears in his hand and he put it on. "_One for you too_" a small one with a purple band appears in his hand also, and he rests it on my head.

"_Perfect! Now we are ready_" he said taking again my hand. "_Up we go._" and we were floating on the sky. "What are you?" I ask him "_A demon_" he answers non-chantly. "_But, you look so heavenly, so beautiful, even now without the white wings._" he looks back at me, and I could see his features in the moonlight. He was smiling. "Y_ou look surprised, I thought someone like you, would know I did come disguised, in angel wings and white. Wouldn't it be foolish of me to tempt you as a monster or something ugly? Besides I am vain, and I like to keeps the aesthetics at its best_."

_"Think well_  
_Do take your time_  
_(because your soul)_  
_will be mine the day you die"- Descent of the Archangel, Kamelot, Epica._

**Well guys this is all for this chapter, we will be seeing more of Hirato and Nai on the next chapters, maybe it's to make up for all the time I neglected him on the first ones hahaha. =) Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter too. Thank you very much for reading. Any request again I am most willing to read them. 3 **


	9. At The Banquet

**Hi guys so this chapter would be very short, hope you don't mind. It's like that because I think is enough to convey the message I would like to express with it. If it doesn't make sense please let me know. Again thank you for all of you who have been following me I am very happy. Enjoy! =)**

At the Banquet

The breeze felt soft and heart throbbing, I looked at our hands joined, he had his glove on, which was the only barrier between senseless desire and sanity. "Look, here we are" He said. I looked down and there was an enormous castle. Slowly we descended. He was so elegant. People were leaving their carriages, and entering the castle. Suddently we were inside one, it was amazing how everything just made its appearance out of nowhere.

"Does everything have to be this way?" I asked. "Of course! How dare the host come in such a lowly fashion, from the sky without a carriage." He smiled, "and besides, we have more pressing matter to address, such as, how should you be presented?" His gloved hand rested on my thigh, "no" I said, and he smirked. Hunger in his eyes, he increased the pressure and I bit my lip, I didn't want to let escape any moans. "So hungry," he whispered "If you just couldn't taste any better, I would have had you right here, but then again, no contract, no food." sigh.

"I will present you as my client" I was going to refute to that, but then the carriage door opened. He pulled me, "Let me invite you, officially, to my castle" he said, I closed my eyes, and as the doormen let us in, I opened them. It was splendorous, we were really here, and it was really full of people (or demons/ beings) waiting. Celebrating something, enjoying the banquet. They all seemed delighted to the point of ecstasy by whatever they were at.

Every touch seemed a delight, everyone seemed so perfect beautiful and vain. Sloth in their manners, envy in the air. The air was clean, yet it felt foul, but I was entranced by everything my senses were percieving, that I noted I was gaging when I heard the doorman announce us. "Please make way," he was ignored, yet continued, "our host is making his entree" At this, everyone gasped and looked at the door, they all stopped whatever they were at to look at us.

Suddenly all of them changed their demeanor and their full attention was on us, and making the environment comfortable, a dream, desire.

"Give me a taste, is the least you can give me for all that I am about to show you"

His lips reached mine, he tongue came in, he taste of the most delicious thing I have ever had and at the same time I felt sleepy. "Ah, enough, it not then you won't be fit enough to seal the contract" a collar appeared around my neck, and I saw Hirato had the chain in his hand. "Now, now, remember, just a taste." He smiled, I noded, "Then let us begin". A smirk on his face.

**Well guys hope you have enjoyed it, the idea of the chapter was to show a glimpse to Nai of what awaited him, the overwhelming feeling, the tension between what he could have, and the collar was a really important symbol but I guess it's obvious. Thank you for reading. Take care all of you =) hugs and thank you for the reviews ^_^**


	10. A Feast For The Vain

**Thank you guys for reading me =) I am glad for all of you who have read until here, thanks for all the reviews too 3 Well we will see more HiratoxNai on this chapter I hope you like it even though it's not a common pairing I just love to make Hirato so evil 3hehe on cute little Nai. Enjoy! A Feast For the Vain! Btw sorry for not posting last night, I tried but I don't know why fan fiction was giving me thus error 408 every time I went to manage stories, but it seems everything is fine now. Thank you for your patience take care. **

A Feast For The Vain

"Good to see everyone here" says Hirato keeping a good grip on my leash, "Let the Feast begin!" He announces, and everyone continues on whatever they were at. I turn to him "What are we celebrating?" He gives me a mischevious smile. "What not, if vanity, my favorite of sins!". He winks at me and walks in front. I look at the ceiling and I am delighted by the chandeliers, so grand that I think even heaven could see their shine.

I feel him pull at my leash and I move forward, I could not believe all the beautiful people, I just wish I could speak to them or just touch them, I try to get closer to a group and feel a shock. I turn to Hirato. "Ah, ah what did I said? See but do not touch...Well, just if it amuses me, of course, you may, but you know If you get too tempted, you could always accept the deal. now" he releases the leash. "and everything could be yours" I try right away to escape, "ugh" I should have known better, as I collide against an invisible wall.

"I am a demon, do you think I wouldn't think you would betray me?" sigh "humans it's about being evil, not foolish, but then again with the level of stupidity now days, I think, it can be on the border of evilness". I touch the invisible wall, I want to go there. It is just so magnetic. I feel him crouch behind me, he licks behind my ear, and I can feel a rush of energy on me. "It's a miracle" I whisper. "Wasn't it a waste to think about dying" he says as he licks down my neck. "You've-" he sucks on my cleavage and I feel desire as I haven't felt since long ago.

He puts his hand on my neck, right below my chin, "Let me make you feel" he bites his white glove and takes it off. "That by my hand, you're truly graced". His hand slides under my shirt, and I burn. I feel as if my body is caught up in fire, I burn for him, I yearn him , and yet, I know all of this is just part of the illusion of a demon. "Ilusion you say? I think this feels pretty real." he says gropping my erection, over my pants. "We can't do it here.." I moan, when feeling him playing with my nipple.

"Don't worry," he says pinning me to the floor. "Let the gold and glitter blind you" he licks me from my neck, to my nipple and sucks it. "Ah~" I moan, this is unlike any other drug I've ever had before, any type of sex. It is not love, it's ecstasy. It's like being at the edge of an orgasm all the time, he knows how to do everything I want, how I want it, when I want it. "Ah~" I can't help but moan even if we are sorrounded by so many people, or whatever that is in this place.

He licks close to my navel. "Ah so adorable little Nai" and bites hard my hand, and that was as if a jolt of pain passed right from the depths of my heart, to my whole body, but no matter how acute the pain was, unlike other ocassions where I just became numb, this time, I couldn't stop, and I felt guilty, for feeling so much pleasure when at the same time my heart ached for my loved one. "Ah, who could have know you could taste so much better," He said releasing me and leaving me there on the floor half ravaged. "Better recover my composture before the contract is completed."

"Now my little one" he says again and this time pure anger rushes through me, he smirks. "If you know how you look to me, revel for the free, should I celebrate how ripe you're turning out to be." A waiter comes with two empty glasses, Hirato picks up both. "How about celebrating this together does´t sound good" he says handing me one of the glasses, and as I touch it, it feel with red blood liquid. The blood where he had bitten was for this. I didn´t dry, and was sucked until it filled the glass. Then I remembered the contract. I felt a bit dizzy, "Maybe that was too fast" He transforms into Gareki. "Ne Nai?" bites his finger and his cup fills too.

"I've found company with you" I say "and if you can take me to Gareki, and make me that great men he wants me to be, then, I feel as if live could begin again... With you, it's as if all my wrongs could be right" and I say say this Hirato regains back his original form. "Everything I've felt tonight, it's as if I have felt it for the first time." I continue while he puts an arm around my waist. Lust and hunger in his eyes. He licks his lips, he knows what my answer will be. But then again what else could I it be, to a demon who has tempted me in such a way.

"May the life I knew be gone" I say and his face comes closer. "I accept the deal" His eyes shine red. "But one point we have to modify" and then he looks wearily at me. "If I wish to linger on,in a state of still... Only then... I'm yours the day I die"

He bits his lip, and plunges his cup to my lips, and I drink sweetest thing I´ve ever tasted.

**Well guys this is all for today, I hope you have liked it ^_^ thank you for reading and I hope you review. it there are any recommendations or doubts as always i will be more than glad to read them. see ya! hugs**


	11. On the Coldest Winter Night

**Hi guys thank you for reading I hope you have liked the last chapter, this is another post for today, due to the error that happened yesterday, this time we will see a lot of GarekixNai, and real authentic Gareki for that not Hirato transformed into Gareki so if there are any NaixGareki fans out there I hope I can make you all happy with this chapter =) take care and enjoy! =D **

On the Coldest Winter Night

Hirato drinks from my cup, my heart beats harder, I feel stronger. "It's my vitality in you" he says, "I am sealed in your heart, and you know what they say about the heart" he says while grabbing my chin and looking mischeviously into my eyes, possessiveness reflected in them. "it's the temple of the soul, heart against heart, they say, means light against darkness, guess now you have, what they call, a black heart" I free form his grasp and decide is enough. It's tie to leave.

I walk away from the castle still feeling him with every heart beat, and from the echoes of the castle, I can hear his voice. "No matter where you go, I will always be there." It's cold yet,ma body I feels warm, I can't get rid of him now, he's in my blood, and then I stop cold. A cold that didn't froze my skin but my stagnated soul. Maybe the blood drained from my face, if I didn't knew I couldn't die, this time I would really believe myself dead. "Gareki" I say. He turns to me, in a blue winter jacket, and those dark blue eyes are looking at me again. The wind plays with his raven hair.

I wonder then, if he's as shocked as I am, and then I realize maybe it could be Hirato, and in a second everything could be shattered. I try getting close to him, he doesn't back away, he turns completely towards me. And even though, I can't listen to it, I read it in his lips. In the snowstorm. Nai. My name. Maybe my desire to see him is so big that I am delirious, or maybe this is part of the deal, and Hirato brought him here for real. He walks closer to me, and I just stay still, frozen.

"I have been looking for you" he says. Of all the things I could have dreamed, one of the most unlikely was, that of him, actually looking for me. "All this years" he continues. He hugs me, holds me in his arms. It's warm, so warm that it melts my frozen soul. I can still feel Hirato in my now dark heart, but I can also feel I am not I anymore, and that I am one with Gareki again, just one kiss. I feel as it even with the heavy snow hitting against us. Maybe it's the coldest winter night, because I am feeling a warmth I've never felt before, a warmth, nor desire or delight can overcome.

Tears streak down my cheeks at the long ago forgotten feeling. I can feel his heart beat, it's real. He puts a hand behind my head, and I look up to him, he's more beautiful than I remembered, he smiles to me and I smile back, happiness, real happiness, I can feel my now dark heart dancing. Now I want to live more than I ever before did. He caresses my hair. He come closer and slowly gives me a chaste kiss.

Then he nips at my lips slowly, my tongue slides on his lower lip, he opens his mouth for me, I enter my tongue in his mouth. Then we stop. "I can't believe you're here...", I tell him. He looks deep into my eyes. "Then lets go somewhere else where I can show this is not a dream". I nod against his jacket, he grabs my hand and we leave the from entrance of the castle and head into the forest, I don't know where we are going, I just follow him. Maybe there's no tomorrow, but if there isn't, I want to feel his pulse against my hand all the way to tomorrow.

Maybe this ability to feel everything more intensenly, is part of the abilities I've gained form Hirato, but I can separate what's his, from what's ours. Then I see a small town down the hill. I look back, and there's just the forest, no castle. We walk down the hill, and we enter a small hotel. He already had a room reserved, we go upstairs, and then reach the room. I sit on the bed and watch him close the door, take off his gloves, googles, jacket, and then his boots.

He looks towards me, and gives me a small smile, then comes and sits next to me. "Lets believe" he tells me. A hand reaches up my cheek and caresses it. Softly, they are rough, it must be from hard work, I remember he likes machines. He comes closer and I feel the softest and sweetest of kisses again, I feel him more than before, that's from Hirato, but this warmth and softness within my heart is all mine. Chaste kisses, he nips my lip and I suck his bottom lip, our mouths part, our bodies tangle. And even if it's one of the coldest winter night, I feel as if my soul hadn't been warmer before. He lays me on the bed slowly, kisses on my neck, as he unbuttons my shirt. He sits to my side and does this very slowly, he unbuttons it very slowly, looks at me, comes down to give me a kiss and continues with it.

I literaly feel like I am flying, like a dream. After unbuttoning all shirt' buttons he slides his hand on my skin, upwards. "I enjoy the feel of your soft skin against my hand" me too, I want to answer him. But, I am out of words. He starts taking off his shirt, when I sit and try to do it for him. My hands are trembling, I am nervous, he grabs them. "Relax, I can do it, you're here and that means everything for me". He takes the shirt off. Pulls me back to bed, we kiss, I feel his hands sliding from my side to my chest, he grabs a nipple, plays with it then moves down and starts nibbling on it. His tongue slides downwards towards my navel. So sweet. What a pleasure, what an ecstasy.

I feel his hands on my thighs, he parts my legs, and puts his mouth against the tip of my length, he sucks lightly, then takes me all in. I can't help but moan at this, he slides his tongue from the base up. Then takes me all in again, first at a very slow pace, "I" I try to say something, "Let it go" he tells me and I cum in his mouth, he swallows it. Then I feel his tongue on my hole, and he slides one finger, "I am sorry" I say. He looks at me while moving his finger inside me, "I have had many other people" I blush, "I'am used up".

"Silly, maybe your body has had many other men, but I know your heart has always just been mine". He hover over me, kisses me and I feel him slowly come in. And I remember my heart is not my own anymore, Hirato's there, and even if I feel everything else more intensely, all this feelings are just mine alone. He starts moving slowly inside, I feel him become bigger, my moans are drowned by his kisses. He hurries his pace more, and goes deeper. "Gareki" I call him, I feel myself become bigger too.

Then he goes way much faster, and holds to me tighter, I know he's coming, I hold so we come together, I feel his pulse increase a lot, then I know, "Nai" he says, and we realease, I feel something warm fill me inside. "I am sorry for cumming inside" he says. I look tenderly at him as he rests on my chest, and I fondle his hair, "It's fine I like it better that way". He looks at me and rest on his side. "Now Nai, tell me all, how has it been all these years we've been appart".

I don't know how to start without dissapointing him. Then I hear it. _Did you hear a mountain fall... my broken heart_. Hirato's voice. _Tell him_. Maybe this is also what he meant when he told me he will always be there. "Did you hear a mountain fall... my broken heart" I tell Gareki., he smiles, he's content, "I have been looking for you everywhere, that day when we were at the pond you suddenly passed out, and when I looked at the castle, it was on fire and it seemed they were prosecuting the monarchy, I had to take you somewhere safe. Somewhere, were no one could follow you. So I went to the port and bribed the captain of the ship to take you. After that I asked them were they were headed to, so when they arrived I could pick you up. I took my horse and headed there, but when I reached the area and asked for the ship. Everyone said it hadn't arrived. There was a bad storm the day of the fire, my worst fear was that the ship had sunk, but there were no reports, so I resorted to looking for it in all the ports I could. Then one day I heard your name, a black haired men in top hat said it. I was so desperate that I spoke to him. He gave me a mischevious smile and told me that there was a town close to his castle and that there he had meet a short pale skinned guy, with white hair and purple on the tips of it, he told me that person had incredible red ruby eyes. That's when I knew it was you."

As I heard this story, I felt so guilty for all the things I've done, and I knew that if it hadn't been for Hirato, Gareki wouldn't be here. And then I remember nothing of this has been a dream. "And now I have you here" he says caressing my arm and hugging me tightly below the bed sheets. "Gareki" I try to say. "Husshhhh my dear, because tomorrow may be gone". I comply to this and lose myself into this comfortable present. It feels so right, this moment is our right.

But I know everything good can't last this long, and even if from the depths of my heart I longed for this, it's not what my heart longs for the most.

**Well guys I really hope you've enjoyed it, it was more mmm romantic than sexy hopefully you have gotten the mood and if you can read it while listening to the song On the Coldest Winter Night from Kamelot, you'll live the mood it's such a nice and sad song. But well take care thank you for reading and please if you can leave any review even a hi is fine. i am glad you read =) see ya take care.**


	12. Lost & Damned

**I want to save you from the Lost and Damned~(8) wow I really like that song, I really enjoyed writing this chapter =) I hope you enjoy reading it as well =D It's based on the Song of Kamelot, Lost & Damned it's really cool I highly recommend it. 3 **

Lost & Damned

I had a nice time with Gareki. I enjoyed his beautiful smile in this cold winter days and spent all the time we could together, but I know this could not last. Specially last night. We just went out to have dinner together before going back to the room for more love making of course, when I heard. _"May I have your order please?_" That voice which, I've only heard this last week on my dreams. I turned to the waiter, to find Hirato taking the order. I froze. "Nai is everything okay?" I heard Gareki tell me "Uh a yes, let me check the menu" I know I totally spaced out there.

"I already ordered for you, the same as always, I called you several times but you didn't answer" He told me. "Doesn't the waiter look familiar to you?" at this he looked wierd at me. "Why would he?" he answers, and then I remember this is Hirato, a demon we are talking about, even if he remembers the same person in his story of how he found me, Hirato must be able to hipnotize people and decieve them just right in front of them. That's the message.

And I realize we can't continue like this. "You look sad Nai is something wrong" Gareki who's next to me takes my hand under the table. "_Here for you sir-_" Hirato came back with the plates, perfect timing like always, I was just trying to avoid the conversation or my thoughts, trying to make time, and he comes and does it for me. It was a warning. I must move on, with or without Gareki. I pull myself to him and sorround his arm with mine. "Anything wrong Nai?" I don't answer. We eat and the whole time I keep looking at him trying to burn his image and every movement into my mind.

"I'll go to the toilet, be right back." I said, I can listen from the toilet Gareki's laugh. That's strange. As I open the door and head to the table I look at myself sitting next to Gareki having a drink, he's blushing furiously, Hirato is taking his hand below the table, and I remember how it feels when one touches Hirato. He looks at me back with my same red orbs. Deviant. Michevious. He aims for his ear. I head furiously towards the table, he stands up and leave. "Nai. I feel different with you, I think it would be good for us to go back to the hotel room and continue this there, what do you think?" He looks at me with desire, hunger. Jealousy rips through me. I know what Hirato has made him feel.

But I also know it's not his fault. He just doesn't know what's behind all this, I caress his face, and then I see it, a tinge of confusion with surprise rapidly replaced by tenderness and unconditional love. He felt the desire just a demon can give, it was only once but he could become adicted to it, subjected by it. _It could be yours_. But then, if it was that way this love will miss the whole point. I would like to leave everything as it was before, at least with Gareki.

I want him free and safe, away from my tarnished being. _As you wish. _We went back to the hotel laughing, there we made love and slept. _Master. Master._ It was Hirato. _It's time for us to go. _I sit up, try to look at Gareki's face but there's no moon. I dress up. "You're leaving" I hear Gareki say. "I must" I answer. "Why didn't you tell me? you planned to just leave without saying anything". How could I explain this to me. "Is there something wrong?" he continues. "Gareki I love you, and only you, and that's why I am leaving, I am doing this for your sake." I turn to him. " There are things I can't explain you right now. Please don't ask."

"Was it the men from last night?" he says, and I am surprised. There's no way he could have known it was Hirato. "I don't know who it was, or what it was, and I totally confused him for you, but when he touched me a felt a desire and excitement that made everything in my mind go blank for a while and I just felt this need to possess. and then when he left and came back, it didn't felt the same, I thought maybe it was the alcohol, But now that I think about it. It might have been something else. I know we can be together and face this, whatever it is love-"

"Love means nothing to me, if there is a higher place to be." I interrupt him. Silence. I finish up dressing, open the door, and there he is, all in black. "Carriage or do you feel like riding?" He hands me the reins, I mount the horse, he comes next to me on his. "Go forward, I will make the path to wherever you want to go". I run away, far away.

Towards the Lost & Damned.

"Cause deep within you know I'm lost and damned"

- Lost & Damned, Kamelot, Epica

**Well guys I hope you have liked it even if it was kind of a sad ending, personally I liked Hirato being his evil self around. =) Anyways. Thank you very much for reading. See ya around. and please review! 3 hugs take care.**


	13. Sun Ray

**Hi again guys! hope you're doing fine, this chapter is very short and it's written on Gareki's POV it's also kind of sad, and philosophical, hope you enjoy it =) take care and thank you for reading. **

Sun Ray

I fall asleep again, and hope everything has been a dream. When I wake up again I see the sun rays coming in from the window, and Nai is nowhere to be seen, and I remembered, the past, this week and the moments we've been together, and just one night, out of nowhere, he dissapears without leaving any trace behind. It serves me well, that time even though I saved him, I left him to his own luck on the ship, and for years I searched for him without finding anything. Who knows what he might have been through, he saw everything he held dear to him burn right in front of him.

Then there's that mysterious men who appeared out of nowhere... and then it came to me, the waiter, and Nai's pale face, the man who told me about Nai, the owner of the castle was the waiter last night, it doesn't even make sense, why would he be there? How could Nai know it was him? None of this makes sense, I maybe they had something, and I always thought maybe it was just me, but I never considered he leaving me for someone else.

Then there's also that he mentioned – A higher place to be – Where can it be higher if not where love is, could it be that that men has something to do with the strange events, could it be that he has already abandoned this life yet he looks as if he's still here, but he's not the same person I meet before, and what I saw was just one side of the coin the side where he's the men I he thinks I will expect him to be. Didn't I told him many times I loved him? did he really get the meaning of my words?

Many questions crowded my mind, but none of them were answered or will ever be answered. I waited at the hotel several days for him to come, but he never came back. And in one of those days I decided to go for a walk. I walked close to the river sat down on it's shore. It flowed, and I wanted to flow with it, my life as a human felt senseless, without him. I sat in the corner, and looked at the rapid waters.

If I die better be standing right? I stood up to the border and then attempted to walk on air, fell, it was cold, in an instant I became numb, I hit some rocks and everything went black.

"(River Spirit)

"If the grace of God is real

And the word of Christ can heal

Bring their souls to heaven's light"

- Helena's Theme, Kamelot. Epica

**So hopefully I was able to convey the point of what just has happened in the last chapters here, if not in the next chapter I think I will write something which is more self explanatory. Thank you again for reading. Take care =)**


	14. Dawn

**Hi guys this is one of my shortest chapter and is all Hirato hope you don't mind but it works like kind of a bridge for the next and it also wakes in a symbolical way, by showing that he's always everywhere he is omniscient I think is the word. take care =) and thank you for reading 3**

Dawn

Yuki. Falls from the sky slowly. Frozen tears. The town's people walk around the square like every Sunday, a horse can be heard from far away coming towards the town, must be the courrier, the citizens already know the steps. It stops, the people around stop whaever they are at. A knock sound on the floor, it's the courrier's staff, and he starts.

_Hear ye hear ye! Mr._

_Gareki has committed a sin_

_Now death lies on him, like an_

_Untimely frost upon the_

_Sweetest flower of all the field._

_**Dawn, Kamelot - Epica**_

He puts the verdict back into his hat and heads to the road in the same direction the foreigner left.

**Well hope you have liked the chapter =) take care =D.**


	15. The Mourning After

**Hi guys I know I've been updating every day, I will try to post the last chapter for this fanfic today and start a new one also. Thank you very much for having read all of it. =) it has made me really happy. Hope you like this chapter too. ^_^ Hugs 3**

The Mourning After

I had a dream. Gareki was walking along the river side, taken by Hirato's hand, and as the thoughts came into his mind, Hirato whispered on his ear, and I saw how the small light withing him started flattering. I saw him look at the river and ponder on his life, and I saw the demon tell him to carry on. One little push, two little pushes, three little pushes. Gareki fought Hirato's voice in his conscience, but finally Hirato was able to make him stand up. And then they walked together towards the river. They were going to fly towards the sky and beyond.

The thing is... that Hirato doesn't belong to the sky and so they fell into the depths, Gareki tried to return to the surface, he tried swimming upwards towards the light, but something was pulling him, he turned to look and found a gloved hand grabbing unto his leg pulling to the dark cold depths. He tried to make out what was it, his eyes widened with recognition at the beautiful violet eyes of dead. It was the person who has been on his way, helping him all along, or so he thought it was. He remembered me, he tried saying my name in the water, he just managed to lose air, his soul died unsettled thinking of Nai's future in the hands of the demon, his trick brought him to death, and probably Nai will have the same end, hopefully it will be a painless dead.

"Gareki!" I woke up saying his name, I was sweating. "_Gareki_" I hear Hirato's voice, he was seated at a chair in the small room we took on our way to my quest. "You" I looked hard on him, he just smirked, "_Where have I heard that name I wonder?_" he knew what he had done, I stood up and went to him grabbed him by the collar, "What have you done to Gareki!?" This anoying piece of *&^{*. How dare him, look at me like that, just smiling, and his eyes dancing with micheviousness.

So composed, and shameless, really, "Tell me! I know you, speak demon!" he grabs my hand on his collar, "_You'll dirt it Master, Please._" I slap him, and released him. "Don't you -master- me" I tell him, I don't have time for his twisted games, I turn and start to dresss, "I had a dream" I tell him although I know he already knows what I am about to say, "Gareki, he was walking by the river, and you where there, but it seemed as if he couldn't see you,"

"You where tempting him to death, I saw you hoovering, I saw him sitting there in the corner on the river and you danced with him unto the sky, but he got the wrong impression of everything and fell into the river, once there he tried to come out to the surface, but you pulled him down, up until that point he hadn't seen you or remembered you, but just when he was about to die, he saw you. Why Hirato? Are that hungry? You could have taken me instead." I told him.

"_That's not how the deal works, and besides since I feel most of what you feel, a dead like that would have been rather uncomfortable for me_" He said, I just give up, "I will go to confirm this whereabout in the town with the courier," I finished dressing, headed downstairs, and mounted the horse. This all was useless, I woke up the day before early to leave him so he could find a new path, someone new, to get him away from Hirato.

And I just did all the opposite, I wonder if I had stayed, if it would have been different. _Perhaps, maybe we would have had much more fun._ This thing of listening to Hirato inside my mind, it's getting annoying, but It has also has its way of letting me know more about him and his wicked ways. I know that when he laughs it's usually when he's up to no good. That lustfull demon. He lives up to his species. I would like to think Nai's in heaven. I halt when I see the town.

I feel nervous knowing the news I might get are probably not the ones I want to hear, and specially not from whom I want to hear them. He just seems to be everywhere. I went down the hill and reached to the courier's office in the town. I passed the secretary and then entered his office. "Sir I come here to confirm some news." I said. Tha back of his chair was facing me. "_And in what may I be of service to you?_" That voice. He turns. "Hirato this is not the moment" I tell him. "_I am the courier, truth to be told, if you had just let me speak more to you back then you wouldn't have had to take the time to come all the way here_" he said. "_And if you're here to confirm Mr. Gareki's death, well I assure you he's certainly not with us anymore_." were Hirato's words.

As I leave the office I ask the secretary. "In which direction is the river?" She looks at me, sadness in her features. I guess she heard and is now pitying me. I leave and mount the horse heading towards the direction the secretary indicated me. Close to the river I dismount. I start walking, wondering what he might have been thinking when he was here, and decided to commit suicide. I have felt like commiting suicide too, I am not alien to the feeling.

But as him I had Hirato's influence and I left the idea, just that in his case the outcome was the opposite. I wonder if he thought about me, or in the worth of his life, or if like me he has been through a lot and finally when what he though was the only thing worth, and it had left, he decided to leave this world with along with it. I kneel. Maybe I will leave with him too. I stand up, take some steps close to the water, but unlike him there is no Hirato whispering things into my mind so I can do the deed.

And I know that once I am inside the water there will be no gloved hand pulling me into the depths, I start taking some steps and when I am close enough to the border to fall, I feel his embrace. I know who is it. "Why" I ask Hirato.

**So hope you've like it guys, I love the fact that Hirato just does whatever he wants with everything is so cute ^_^. Take care guys and thank you for reading. Hugs ^_^**


	16. III Ways to Epica

**Hi guys thank you for having read the whole story so this is the last chapter where it properly learn, maybe I will post 2 extra chapter, as the CD of Epica has 2 extra bonus tracks to I may write something inspired on that, but well as for the rest here is where everything ends and I might do another fanfic in the future continuing this story as in the Faust which has like 2 tomes so well lets see how this goes on. Thanks to everyone that has read. Hugs 3 =) I am really happy. **

III Ways to Epica

"Why" I tell Hirato. "When you play with fire, you must anticipate some burns, chasing for desire... It's just a different way to learn." That is his lame excuse, I can't accept it, but I am too weak for that, I can feel it, even though he's a demon, he's scared, is my soul that valuable? There most be something more into this. "Leave me" I tell him, I try to release myself, he strengths more his embrace around me.

"_No Master_". He says. Huh this idiot. "_I want you to give up your desire to end your life_." He seems gentle, but then again he's a demon, I doubt he's being honest about his actions at all. Sigh. I look towards the sky. Are you there in heaven Gareki? Has God forgiven you? I hope you do forgive me, 'cause I've been deserted by God, and so, instead, I've got a demon by my side, believe me, I never wanted you to die this way, or even meet him, If I had only known this could happen, I would have started by commiting suicide from the beginning, maybe that would have changed something.

_I will let you see as I do_. Hirato's hand covered my eyes and as he took it off, I looked towards the sky and I saw Gareki come down to me. He caressed my face, I was out of words, "God has siezed my soul Nai-kun, don't you see how I shine" Shine, you say, I've seen many things in hell shine too. "Don't you feel this warmth within which is not desire". That, I could feel. "Gareki you must be careful with him, I am sure God-" and suddenly I couldn't see him anymore. "What was he going to say?! Why didn't you let him finish bastard!" I try to free myself again.

"He wants to take you away from me and I can't let him do that. Remember Nai." He turns me in his embrace and cups his hand under my chin, "You are mine" he licks his lips. Anger rushed through me. "Ah the delicious smell of hate" and the worst is that he seems to be enjoying it. _Yes, that's it, forget him and his love._ He caresses my face. _Be mine, think of me, fill you mind with thoughts of me, hate me from the depths of your soul._

Ironic the sun shines blindingly bright. _"Oh no Master it's not an irony, on the contrary, is a sign for you, to give me another chance."_ As if I would. "_All that I require, Is some trust as the pages turn... I can take you higher..._" he turns my face to the blinding light and I close my eyes. "_'Cause your will is my concern_." He plants a kiss on my cheek, ah, he's got me again. "_Beside there are things you still want to find, that which will keep you at ease, that forever stable happiness._" the demon whispers on my ear.

"_So long... maybe forever.._." I let myself fall in his embrace. He's happy, if a demon can be happy. I must carry on, it's what I have decided. Yes. I turn to him. "Why did God take him?" I asked Hirato. "_God? Your god is full of compasion and mercy. That's why._" His answer seems to be hiding something, "But it was suicide." I tell him, he releases me, "_Your God has a strange way of composing his melody, in which we just serenade_".

He moved towards the horse, and I followed. "_But don't worry, your God is not with you anymore, now you're beyond redemption, you're with me_" he lifts me up on the horse and sits behind me. "_Ah you're so thin, I can't eat you like this, can I? and that face, don't worry I will make sure you will not feel sadness ever again._" he says. "And how will you do that?" I ask. We start trotting slowly to somewhere. "_If you've never taste joy you will not feel sadness_."

_"That's the curse of humans,_

_Born in passion you destroy"_

_- III Ways to Epica, Kamelot, Epica._

__**Well guys thank you all for reading up until here, it means a lot to me. I hope you've liked it. Take care! hugs to everyone! =) **


	17. Snow

**Hi guys! well here is one of the extra chapters for this fanfic, hope you can enjoy it =D it's HiratoxNai. Hope you don't mind it =) hugs.**

Snow

Regret. A new feeling born within me. _One that I will take away_. "You got rid of my past and brought it back Hirato, you've messed all of me, but even though I won't give myself to you that easily" He just smiles nonchantly at my words._ "Your words have no meaning for me, it is your actions which really matter and from what I see you want to live on the edge, which is fine for me, that way you'll forget and let it all slide_."

I feel the memories come aback to me, Gareki-kun, "_Hirato, you'll have to replace Gareki, even thought it's impossible_." I say. "_Shall I become him?_" he says. "That's not what I mean, you must make me feel again, that same warmth, and soft hands, you must make me smile and make me feel like the first night in the winter snow I saw him". There's silence. "_Warmth certainly I can not make you feel, but for sure desire I can if that's what you want_."

"Then give desire to this empty body." I said. "_You certainly don't know what you're asking for, maybe young master needs to rest_." He ignored me, "_On the next city we shall get a carriage._" he said. We reached a small town, reserved a room at a hotel. He seemed gentle. I went to sleep on the bed as he said maybe he was right and I just needed to rest for some time. I tuck in the bed and prepared to sleep.

I woke up early in the morning, Hirato was on his bed, I didn't knew demons slept. He looked like an angel, ironic. I get closer to him. I yearned to touch him, even though he had made all those things. Actually is not that I yearned for him, but for the pleasure I felt when I touched him, I needed ease right now. I caressed his face and felt a jolt of electricity through my spine. Desire. It felt good. I blushed.

I pressed my index finger on his bottom lip and caressed it. I followed down his neck, I am nervous, my hand trembles, I want to kiss him, in the depths of my heart I had hope for love, but I knew demons don't feel that. Specially him and if I ever feel something for him I will feel guilty, because he had killed Gareki. I sat on the side of the bed, he was wearing some light pajamas. "Mh" at this moan I retired rapidly my hand, I was scared he will notice it.

I started dressing fast, I felt awkward he will notice. "_I think I might have overslept. Maybe it was because I was having the sweetest of dreams_" said Hirato. I didn't reply, "_Oh well I will go and prepare the carriage for owr leave today"_. He passed by me and left. I sighed, really he almost got me there. I finished packing had breakfast downstairs and headed outside. Hirato had gotten a carriage for us. "_Master please_" he said.

We got into the carriage it was dark but at least we were warmer, I had clothes on me, and it was full of cushions it was comfortable. He just sat there looking through the window like me. "_We are not far away from the city you were born at, we will pass by it, I am sure you'll like to take a look_" Hirato said, "Yes, most certainly I would like to know what happened with it". I think my answer seemed rather cold, but why am I even caring how my answer is, he's a demon he doesn't care what type of answer I give him as long as he gets what he wants.

I fall asleep with the movement of the carriage, it is soothing. When I open my eyes it's again night, and there's full moon, now that I think about it I don't know who is driving the carriage, but well I guess Hirato should have taken care of that. For a demon he's quite careless, sleeping there as if nothing could happen. I move towards him. And try to kiss him and as I press my lips on his, "Gotcha!" his eyes met mine.

Now that took me by surprise. He grabbed my arm and kissed me, a hot kiss, maybe not a warm kiss but it was full of desire, he sucked up all my streghth literally, I couldn't move a muscle. He lifted me into his lap. "_Let me service you Master_" he whispered into my ear. He nipped my lobe and his tongue made its way on my ear shell. It was excruciatingly good. His left hand roamed over my shirt, he kept me on position with his other hand wrapped around me.

"_Nai_" he said my name with lust in his voice. I felt his lips on my neck, small kisses, his tongue made its way to my chin. It was delicious. I couldn't almost hold myself to him. I tightened my legs around him. He smirked against my lips. "_I wonder for how long would you be able to press me tight like this_" he said. "More... more pleasure Hirato... keep my mind blank" This is what I needed. "_Yes Master_" he bit on my cleavage.

I feel his hand lowering from my back to my hip, and it rests there, he starts playing with my left nipple. The demon presses hard with his hand on my thigh at my moan. And I forget who I was, what I've done and what I will do. Hirato is that which can erase my past, my future and my present. His hand roams inside my shirt. He takes it off. I was instinctively moving my hips against him, I hadn't notice, hopefully he will think it was because of the carriage.

"_Ah you're almost ready_" he said, while caressing my thigh. He sucked my nipple and played on it with its tongue. Moved his hand from my thigh to my lenght and rubbed over the pants. "Ah" moans escaped from me. He pulled slightly my belt up and my lenght rubbing against it made me crazy. I was sweating and by the salty taste of his skin I knew he was also. He lifted me and put me on the chair at the opposite side.

He unbuckled my belt, slided them down, "_Good boy_" he said while taking my lenght in his hand, he pre-cum start comming. "_Ah, I can't not let this go to waste_" His lips sorrounded the top of it, and he started sucking slowly. I trembled and I felt I was failing Gareki. But this was incredible, "_Let me take his poison from you and fill you with my medicine,_" he said, "_Let me have you body, your mind and your soul, I want all of you_,".

I know still he won't have my soul, but everything else, while he can satisfy, he may have. Thought I doubt he won't get tired. "Ah" I really like this how he does me, how everything he does burns my skin as nothing else has ever done. "_Master you will be mine_" I wonder what does he really mean. And then I think. "_Let me take those thorns from your head._" I feel something enter me, one finger, he puts it in and then pulls it out, I am blank. He licks his lips.

"_Ah I almost like you as this, as when you hate me, so lewd, in some other ocassion if you comply, I may make you feel both_" I wanted to answer him but he inserted then another finger, I could hear the watery sound I made as he pulled it and pushed it. Another finger. "It's enough!" I told him. If it's not Gareki I don't want anyone in. "_Ah but if you're about to give me the emotion I really want_" was his answer and he thrusted his whole length in one motion into me.

"Agh! It hurts! You! I told you not to!" I was furious, this demon is despicable, nothing of what his promises is true. Always half the truth. "Mn" he moans, his breath is ragged it seems the angrier I get the more he enjoys it. "_You feel so good, no wonder that Gareki always wanted to hold you_" I wouldn't stand it "You- Ah-" I couldn't fight him back he felt so good. It was terribly pleasurable and frustrating. He started pumping harder. "_You like it huh?_"

"_Cum with me_" he says, "_There's no reason to resist_." and at his words I give myself away to him. He comes inside of me and I feel as if I've lost something. "_So good_" he says breathless.

"_No faults no regrets._-"

Kamelot, Snow, Epica.

**I don't know if anyone here has read Kuroshitsuji, but with all this Master thing the plot kind of reminded me of it. Take care thank you for reading =)**


	18. Like the Shadows

**Hi guys so this is the last chapter for this fanfic I won't be posting any other extra chapter but I will write a second part as another story it will be called Black Halo. I am also thinking of maybe writing some one shots , cute stories. So that's about it. I hope you can enjoy this chapter take care and hugs. =) 3**

Like the Shadows

"Nai, come here!" My mom called. There she was waiting for me with her blond hair and beautiful sea colored eyes. As I reach her, she embraces me, she's soft and warm. She kisses me and caresses my hair, "Tomorrow is a very important day sweet heart" She says and I turned to her. "Tomorrow you'll start school and will also start classes with your special tutors." She smiled, she has a beautiful smile.

I felt so at peace with her, while she hugs me, I turned to her and then there was a men... with glasses, Hirato. Hirato! I tried calling, _ah you're awake Nai_. "_Nai_" I heard him say as he caressed my face, do you feel better? I try cuddling, his smile seemed honest though there was that deviant touch in it as always. "_Nai_" I opened my eyes Hirato was calling me, we had some bed covers on, we were still in the carriage.

"_Where you dreaming about me?_" He asks, while he gives me a mocking smile. Of course I couldn't tell him I was, "_Don't worry I won't do anything you don't like, rest assured, there's nothing to be understood , you can continue sleeping,_" he said and I saw the snow wall, still I don't know who is riding the carriage. Hirato cupped my chin and kissed me, ah so good I could stay here in his arms forever, but I know it is impossible and that I seek this greater truth for which I've even abandoned the persona I loved the most.

I must always remember that everything Hirato offers is an illusion. Even in this distant forest far away from everything, I know he's trying to wrap me around his little finger, and trying to make me feel stability and ease with him, what a fool I would be if a fell in such a miserable scheme. Though I must accept it was not a bad idea. I almost fell for it. I feel warmth but I know it's from him, just from the blankets around me, and his temperature, if I do any type of skin contact with him I know I will end up burning.

Everything is at the edge with him, there's no middle point. Which I like because I need that in order to find the truth I am seeking for, I lose my sense of time here in this carriage and I feel I am in my small little world with him, it's so comfortable, that though I know I am being deceived, I won't let it go. Aren't we human beings like that? We are being deceived most of the time, and we know it, yet we cling to that thread of hope, thinking that one day things might be different.

"_Thinking about me Master?_" demons, they always know what is on your mind, or at least you weaknesses and desires. "Kind of" I answer him "You know it makes me uncomfortable to know that you know everything I am thinking." "_Don't worry master, I won't tell anyone_" he presses me more in his embrace, now that I think about it, I shouldn't be so unguarded around him, though there's a contract between us, but since the beginning he has been twisting everything. "If your words were as honest as the words of the wind, then maybe I would have believed that. But it will be foolish of me to believe any words coming from a demon."

"_Yes you're right_" I was trying to breath but suddenly I couldn't. It was as if we were in an empty space and there was no air around us at all. "_Enough_" Hirato said, and then I could breath again. "_Maybe you chose the wrong demon to make a deal with, but now it's to late, and besides don't worry I am not planning on killing you any time soon, remember, I need you, I want you. It's ironic how many humans fall for those words easily. Pity you don't. But then again if you did, I wouldn't have as much fun"._

I still have to search for that truth, I feel empty, white like angels, they say that when things don't feel right it means that things are going alright, and that when everything is calm things are going wrong. Gareki is now dead, I feel like dying, hope the next move will be definitely for good 'cause then I don't know how I can keep living like this. Because the real color of dead is white. Like the snow, like the hair on the old people, and the real color of life is black, like the earth where everything grows from, or the babies who haven't been born.

I will wait here in death for a little while and stay by my ripper's side until the day my wish is granted, he may be wicked and twisted, but it's the only thing I have. I take my hand close to his cheek and caress it, I've got used to the burning feeling of my skin against his. To the wanting, there a moment where one gets used to agonizing, as long as there's the illusion of hope at the end of the tunnel I will believe it and like anyone else hang on to it.

_"Master I am hungry, feed me"_ he says. _"I am hungry too, really hungry, but if you can't feed me first, there's no way I can do anything for you. You'll end up killing me and I am more than sure that you don't want that._" I tell him, actually my stomach has been growling. "_I will be back in a while. Halt!_" he says and the carriage stops. He leaves, and I stay inside, I wonder where could he have gone to in this deserted cold forest looking for food.

I wait. He doesn't come back. I think I can try to escape now. I open the door of the carriage, look everywhere even to the sky, I don't know where he might come from. I go to the front of the carriage, planning to take one of the horses. "My~, my~, so you're were the one making a rocuss back there with Master Hirato ne~?" said the men who seemed to be the one driving the carriage this whole time. "So~ what could possibly bring you here?"

I try to grab to release one of the horses from the carriage. The jumps from the driving sit, stands next to me and puts his hand on mine. "Ne~ you can't do that Nai-chan." I look at him and, "Yogi" he just looked more pale, his eyes were of a different color and his hair was silver. "Well I certainly knew about your existence not that we have meet before, have we?" he said lightly moving his head to one side. "Yogi it's you!" I grabbed his hand, it was unbelievable.

"_It seems you found out_" said Hirato, he was behind me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I challenged him, I knew I will lose either way. "W_e were busy with other... ministrations, in which of course you gladly cooperated, so I didn't see the necesity of presenting you the driver, though you already seem to have acquiantanced each other,_" he said. "Certainly~ Well then I'll go back to my post." and Yogi went to sit again in the driver's place.

"_Here_" He gave me some cooked fish to eat, I ate silently in the carriage, he also handed me some bread and butter, it all tasted nice, why is it everything he does has a taste of ecstacy. Hirato was sitting there in front of me, he wasn't taking care of his position or anything yet he looked deadly perfect like always. But I have more important matters to think about, besides how beautiful the ivory figure of Hirato looks.

"Why he doesn't remember me?" I ask me, and he turns to me, gives me a glance and then his eyes stare at the scenery outside again. "_Something happened, you actually were meant to die. But then things changed, and what meant something to you became important, from your family this is the only member I could save. For me him remembering how all of them died is not relevant, and so I erased his memories in order to ease his pain, when he woke up I told him I will give him food and shelter if he sweared to serve. He accepted_."

And here I though you would get rid of the shadows from my past. And then I meet Yogi again. "_It's always a new opportunity to make new memories young master._" he said. "I don't want new memories, I want the old and jolly Yogi back." I said. "_Not possible, but you can always create it, though it seems to me now it's a little difficult his personality has changed._" he said. "How?" I answered. "_Lets say he a little more playful_".

Then there was silence on the rest of the way. We fell asleep, then we reached a town, Yogi left us at the entrance of a small mansion in the town. "Is this yours?" I ask Hirato. "_Mine? All yours Master_" he says. I won't waste my time with him, he already knows I've got nothing and now he comes with this, this is foolish. Really. I push the gate. "We should have someone to open the door" I said. "_I thought maybe putting a bit of effort on some things will help Master regain his spirits._" I disagree, I don't want to put effort on anything else from now on if it's not relateed with what I am seeking. "Hirato clean the steps behind me, there too much snow on the entrance."

The door opens before I reach the steps. "Master" Tsukumo? Please come in. She looked the same just her hair and eye colors looked clearer if that was even possible. She came from behind me a took off my jacket. "Tsukumo?" I asked. She blushed. As I though she doesn't remember me either, "Sorry Master even though, I've been made into this shape or person I am not that person," she said. "And why is it like that?" I asked. "Master Hirato told us that taking this shapes we will help Master feel more familiar to his surroundings."

"I see... thank you" I go upstairs. "Is everything okay Master, is my appearance making you uncomfortable?" she asks. "Not at all" I lie. "Dinner will be in a minute" she announces. "I will be late for dinner, tell Hirato to bring, he, alone the dinner." Yes Master. I enter the room and throw myself unto the bed. I listen the door open. "Is this some kind of joke Hirato?" I tell him with my eyes closed. He grabs me and puts me into sitting position.

"I was just trying to make everything thing the same as it was before."

**Well guys I hope you had enjoyed it. Thank you for reading take care =) if you have any recommendations for stories in the future I will be more than glad to listen or read about them in this case. Take care ^_^**


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